The Undateables

As you know I recieve messages more or less all the time and I`m still amazed at some of them.One guy “G” messaged me and was very insistent that we meet up….”I am here to date/find a soulmate but to do this I insist we must meet up! If only to to see if you look like your photo,I have nothing to hide have you? I don`t rate chit-chat, it`s fair to say my photo doesn`t do me justice as I`ve lost 2 stone…Are you free tomorrow? I`d really like to meet you and I can be reached 24/7 as all messages come to my phone. Let`s face it, what else would you be doing if you weren`t meeting me? Huh? Huh?”     A little inconvenience called work G…..I realise you`re over 60, obviously retired but I ain`t interested….. . Next day I recieved another message “The least you could do is reply!Manners cost nothing, I live near the Trafford Centre so I could meet you there and there is a very good bus service if you choose not to drive.I can be there at an hour`s notice just tell me what time!” Again I didn`t reply….another message the day after “How rude are you?? At least reply to say you`re not interested but I hope it`s a valid reason”…… Obviously G was not going to accept anything other than a life threatening emergency so I replied  “I realise this may seem a bit trivial to you but the reason I haven`t replied to your messages is because my husband and I were in A&E as he had somehow wedged a pan on his head….but he was more upset at people insisting on drumming on it as they walked past….apparently it hurt his ears” I didn`t get a reply…..
Another guy “P” messaged me to say he had just started a new job (??) and it involved taking phone calls but for the life of me I can`t remember where.Anyway he said that on his first morning he had taken a call from someone threatening suicide and another call was someone shouting at him.He was feeling quite pleased with himself because apparently the trick is to have them both relaxed and laughing by the end of the call…..Someone tell the Samaritans! If that`s all it takes then all those counsellers will be out of a job!! But he wanted to know would I like to spend some time with him the next time he`s at his allotment….I had to turn him down unfortunately.
 Then there was “N” and after reading his profile I felt I had to turn him down….”I`d like to think the world for some of my friends is a better place thanks to me, for the rest I simply have not had the opportunity to shine. I don`t have many friends because I`m fussy about those I let into my inner circle. I`ve learnt not to have expectations in respect to how people behave but those who are clearly of a high calibre I value highly and most rightly so. My ideal partner would be kind, considerate, intelligent and with no children…no bunny boilers please….I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that attraction starts from the inside. Having experienced it I know how powerful physical attraction can be, I`ve yet to figure out what triggers it in me but do know when it`s present.But if you`re of a delicate disposition please stay away as I hate walking barefoot on broken glass”…. Hope he finds her but I doubt it…….

Share this Story

Coming Up…

Will be on That's Manchester on Saturday 19th March.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe!