Sun,sea and walking sticks.

Waiting in the departure lounge before heading off on holiday I started to get a bit worried, as everyone seemed to be so old. I should have realised with the time of year that it was going to be popular with older people but still,I felt like I was on the set of “Cocoon”.It wasn`t all bad,on arrival at the hotel there were a group of younger people that livened things up a bit and provided some of the entertainment.
Having sussed out that the hotel wasn`t as close to the beach as it said it was I spent a lot of  the time at the hotel mainly sunbathing on the rooftop terrace.It was obvious I was there alone and some people made me feel very welcome to join them, which I usually did in the evenings.The place was full of couples,not many families and certainly no other single people but that didn`t bother me as I wasn`t on the lookout for a holiday romance even though a couple of people I knew seemed to think just because I was going on my own I was “going to have a really good time,wink wink”.
We weren`t short on entertainment though.One evening there was a heated exchange between a 60 year old lesbian couple which involved an accusation of one of them sitting too close to someone else while watching the parrot show.There were tears,a drink being flung at an innocent woman minding her own business, before the two of them left to sort it out.
Then there was the music quiz.One (rather large) woman was in it to win it.The idea was to run to an empty chair on the stage if you knew the answer.One man got there seconds before this lady did and as he sat down she literally pulled him out of the chair and flung him off the stage.Luckily he was unhurt but her next victim wasn`t so lucky.Running up to the stage (again) she pushed into a woman who was making her way back to her seat from the bar and the poor woman (and drinks) went flying.The entertainment rep decided to call it a night before there was a serious accident.What was the prize? The winning team, which was five of them,won one cocktail between them.I know…not even one each.Did I say there were there no other single people?
I tell a lie.There was one other person.
A woman was sat outside the restaurant one morning when I went down to breakfast and beckoned me over.I`d seen her around but not actually spoken to her but she spoke to me like we were old friends.She started to show me some pictures on her phone.”Look at these.This was me on Christmas day.Beaten black and blue by my ex.” Well what do you say to that? “He lives on this island and he was in court yesterday and I think he may have been sent to prison as I can`t get hold of him.” I was trying to be sympathetic when I said.”Well to be honest if he did that to you he probably deserves it.” She started laughing.”Well what the judge doesn`t know is that I had smashed a bottle of brandy over his head! I’ve been given the number of prisoners abroad what should I do?” I really didn’t want to get involved with this.”Maybe you should ring the number,I’d love to hear the outcome but I need to get some breakfast.” I made sure I avoided her the rest of the time I was there.
When I got back home a couple of people asked who I`d been away with,and when I said “Just by myself” one or two said “Oh I would do that.Just spend a week away on my own”. And this is usually the people who have never done it,never will and who can`t cross the road without the help of a lollipop lady…

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