So…have you had your tea?

I can`t even put the messages I`ve had (from the lonely and the desperate) down to it being a full moon this week so I really haven`t a clue why some weeks are unbelievable…
A part from the usual ones asking to chat and then noticing in their profile that they smoke.I usually reply with a thanks but no thanks as I don`t date smokers,and without fail 99% will tell you that they gave up 6 months ago and that no-one else has mentioned it.But then I got a message from “P” You seem very nice lady.Ok? If we go out for meal I tell you about my family tree it go back very long way.Hope to speak soon my love.But what`s your real name?” Looking at his profile it`s a white male,loads of photos and his profile is perfectly written so there`s something not right, especially with the question about my real name but I replied.”My name is on my profile and are you English?” He soon replied. “Yes I am! Why do you say that my love? We meet soon yes?” No P,definately not…… Then there was this guy.”I`m getting divorced after 23 years call me to find out more! ” and he`d given his mobile number….as if!
The best one by far though was a message from “M” who asked if we could chat and looking at his profile he seemed a decent looking guy,working,normal, so later that evening I was on line when he messaged “Are you free to chat?” After replying yes that`s fine I got his opening line “So,have you had your tea?” WHAT?? “Have you had yours?” I knew I`d get a reply telling me all about what he`d had but then I asked was there a reason that he hadn`t had any children? Apparently he had been married in 1985,it lasted 5 months but the last 2 years (I know….work that one out) of the relationship his wife made his life a misery by beating him every weekend and not letting him out of the house.This led to him having a nervous breakdown which is very sad I know but the penny had dropped.”M,have you had a girlfriend, at all. since then?” “Well no because like I told you I had a nervous breakdown”….”And it`s lasted over 30 years has it?” It took a while for his next reply “I`m looking for a nice lady. I would treat you like a Queen.” But I wasn`t having it “Sorry M, it won`t be me I`m afraid.” …..Thinking about it, for all I know he might have killed her and been in prison all that time….you never know do you?
In the meantime hubby`s been on an awards night with his work so he had his spray tan done a couple of days earlier so he wouldn`t look too orange on the night. It was going to be quite a posh “do” with black tie and all the ladies in gorgeous dresses but they had all planned on going out later so it was going to be a long night….I heard him come crashing in at 4-30 but then all went quiet.The next day when I got in from work he was still in bed.”I`ve lost my suit jacket.Think I left it in a taxi” After a few phone calls we located it,a woman he works with had picked it up and took it home as he`d left it over the back of a chair.And guess what? He`s never ever drinking that much again……until the next time……

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