“Over my dead body!!”

I`m going to hold my hands up here….I had high hopes for this date. Purely because we`d been having good banter with messages on P.O.F…..I knew he had young twins(well actually they weren`t as young as I thought….his ONE picture he`d posted was over 5 years old) So after quite a few weeks we decided to meet in Manchester.”R” was coming in on the train from Stockport and had left it up to me to arrange where to meet.After deciding on the Northern Quarter I was just about to enter the bar when my phone went.”Where am I going? Just got off at Piccadilly and don`t have a clue where this place is”. Just ask someone….you`re not too far away.”I replied.He snapped back “For god`s sake we don`t all know our way round Manchester you know!” I have to say that took me a bit by surprise…..so he was late turning up.After buying a drink (I`d already got mine) we went and sat down. Luckily for me there was a D.J.on so I could just concentrate on the music if R was boring me…..His twins turned out to be 10 years old (I thought they were 5) and he then proceeded to tell me all about the birthday party they`d had the week before and what it had cost him. Now I can`t relate to this as I don`t have any grandchildren so I just smiled politely and ordered another drink….and then he went on about how his boss thinks he`s great,brilliant at his job,up for promotion the usual stuff so I waited (politely) for a question….any question at all…no? I`ll just have another drink then thank you…He knew I worked at a supermarket but that was all he knew so of course then he was telling me all about his split from the twins mum and it turns out that the longest relationship he`d had was 3 years….with her…..he`s 54 so I found that a bit of a worry, but in the meantime I`ve had a few wines by now and he`s only halfway down his first bottle of Becks so as you can appreciate my ears are bleeding…..but then he asked me why I hadn`t met anyone at work. “Well a lot of the people I work with are gay for one thing” He shuddered…the guy actually shuddered! I looked at him.”Oh….that would be a problem for you would it?” “Went to the gay village once,it was someone`s birthday and in one of the bars a guy brushed his arm along mine as he went past.” I looked at him and kept my face straight…”That means you`re engaged now.” The look of sheer horror on his face was worth it…so I said “What would you do if your son grew up to be gay?” I certainly didn`t expect the reaction I got.”Oh my god! Don`t say it! Don`t say it!” Oh dear…..so changing the subject I asked what his expectations were for his kids.(one boy and one girl) “Well I`d like them to be doctors” “What? Both of them??” “Yeah” Hmm….good luck with that one….so he then was telling me about being in the supermarket with his twins and the little boy turned round and said he knew what he wanted to be when he grew up….R turned to look and saw someone stacking the shelves. “Over my dead body! You are NOT doing that job!!” I nearly choked on my drink….R hadn`t actually asked me what I did at work….people just assume you`re on the tills. “Really? This might come as a shock but the cheese fairies are fed up with stacking the cheese shelves so people have to do it!” He didn`t get it……Sooooo….he then tells me that he has to entertain some customers from Australia. “I used to live there once” I said. “We emigrated,weren`t coming back but I didn`t like it” “No way would I come back if I lived there!” God I wish I had a quid for everytime someone says that….because they are ALWAYS the people who will never go….never leave the town they`re in….never ever do anything different.So I just said “Can I ask you…have you ever lived anywhere else? Not even abroad…another town maybe? No? Right….tell you what…when you have,then we`ll have a conversation about how you wouldn`t leave Australia ok?” It was definately time to leave. After leaving the bar I started walking to the tram stop. “Oh look! That`s my tram…and the train station`s just up there…have a safe trip back! Thank you and good night!” Needless to say our romance is now over……..

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