Goodbye To Youth, It Was Nice Knowing You…

Last week I went on a date.Coffee of course, you know the script by now.I`d chatted to “L” a couple of times on the phone and I liked the fact that he was really easy to chat to so I was looking forward to this one.Yes he had a dodgy hairstyle but that can easily be fixed, as can dress sense so off I went.
As I got to our meeting place I saw an old man and my heart seemed to stop for a second.It was L.My first thought was to turn around and txt with some bizarre excuse as to why I couldn`t make it but decided against it as at least he`d made the effort and turned up.He was 57 yrs old and was smartly dressed but all the time I was thinking “I`n too young for this”.During coffee he never shut up about his childhood, exes,his job and I put it down to nerves and when I was asked the usual questions he started talking before I`d finished. Not a problem as I`d already decided I wasn`t going to see him again, but it got me thinking.
This is it now for me.It`s been like a slap in the face as I realise that the men my age are mostly old in outlook and just want someone to go on holiday with.A companion in other words.L said it himself that he was just looking for someone to “do stuff with”.I now have to come to terms with the fact I am never going to look at someone and think yeah….let`s rip your clothes off.And that believe it or not is quite upsetting.
I don`t want to hear from people (usually married) “Oh why do you even care about that?” I`ll tell you why.I don`t want to think that I`m never going to have that heart lifting moment when you spend time with someone who you can`t get enough of, butterflies when you see them, nights on the town, making endless plans and just the thought of them puts a smile on your face.That I believe now, is never going to happen again.I`ve been on enough dates to know the score.
Older people like to think that they`re not getting older but of course they are, the mirror and our bodies tell us that, but I for one want more than just a companion and I can`t tell you how it feels to think I`ll probably never lust after anyone again….