As I’m a woman in her prime I sometimes get messages from guys who are widowed. I’ve actually been out on a date with a couple of them but have now decided I won’t be doing that again. They were both nice guys but even though they claimed that they were ready to move on, they clearly weren’t. The first one “P” was actually showing me photos of his wife and saying how happy they’d been and they’d been married for over 30 years and it was his kids who had talked him into joining a dating site. As you can imagine I felt a bit like a counsellor because I can’t exactly tell him to shut up can I? Somewhere between the last drink and walking towards the tram stop he seemed to remember that he was actually on a date but it was too late, I’d already decided that I wouldn’t be repeating that performance. One guy who messaged me actually had on his profile the fact that he’d recently lost his wife and she had been everything to him but he thought he might (!) be ready to start dating again. Anyway I did go out on a date with another guy who had been widowed and to be honest even though he didn’t actually show me any photos he did talk about her illness and her funeral and the fact she`d been buried in her favourite outfit, well what could I say? I just nodded in all the right places but even though I did feel sorry for them I couldn`t help but think that I would never be able to come close to being as fantastic as these women were.
I`m quite sure that these men will find someone else but for me I would constantly feel that I was living in someone’s shadow, can you imagine going back to a guy’s house and as you walk in there would be photos of “H” (and quite right too) everywhere and as you kick your shoes off there might be a small reprimand “Oh no not there. H didn’t like anyone leaving shoes around, would you mind just putting them in the hall?” I’d always feel that I was being compared to the fabulous H because let`s face it none of these guys are ever going to say that she was a cow. It won’t ever have been the Sally and Kevin Webster scenario where he was going to leave her before she told him she was ill, these guys have been blissfully happy, never a cross word and devastated that they’ve lost their soulmate but they don’t like being alone and really just want a replacement. That`s not for me I’m afraid, so that`s why I’ve decided I won’t ever go on a date with a widower again.