(E)X marks the spot….

Most of us have one, the guy who got away…..but did he? If we choose to remember correctly we were probably left by him in not a very nice way but because he was “the one” our memory becomes a bit selective when trying to remember the actual details.So rather than remember the truth it`s easier to dress it up a bit and pine for someone who was actually not a very nice person in the end. Don`t get me wrong, it was great at first, actually got butterflies and was nervous around him, hanging onto every word and obviously couldn`t get enough of him and the weird thing is when you really fancy someone you think the whole world fancies them as well, how could they not? You love the tone of their voice, the way they hold their glass, the fact you can talk for hours about anything and that they “get” you, a very heady mix. Falling in love is great which makes it harder to think that the person you`ve fallen for might be anything other than the one you think you can`t live without.When I was young and met “D” I was infatuated, that is totally different from love. I knew I wouldn`t want to be with him for ever (and not just because he was always hours late with the most ridiculous excuses) but the feelings involved with the love of your life are completely different. It`s as if someone sees you as the person you wish you were and the world seems more colourful, brighter and full of possibilities which makes it all more tragic when it all goes horribly wrong. But let`s remember something, that person must have done something really bad to make us want to leave them because you know you`re just going to curl up in a ball and die when it`s over and who wants to put themselves through that? So instead we like to give them excuses for their behaviour such as “He wouldn`t have done it if he wasn`t stressed/drunk /grieving for his cat but he would and he did.But you don`t want to have to confront that because then you`ll have to make a choice.If you turn a blind eye you can fool yourself that it was a one-off and won`t happen again. If you confront him you run the risk of hearing something you won`t like and having to deal with it by maybe finishing the relationship and you don`t want to do that because you will never love anyone like him again but something changes…..months down the line it happens again but this time you`re not as upset as a little piece has gone after the first time until eventually the blinkers are off and you or he himself calls it a day. But because you were actually in love with this guy it`s not so cut and dried and the heartache that follows is unbelievable and you really think you`ll never ever get over it. Everyone recovers differently, but hopefully you will one day look at him and feel…..nothing.The problem is sometimes you think that given enough space he might change and come back to you a changed man which stops you meeting someone else. You can`t run the risk of getting involved with anyone because what if “A” rings you and wants to get back together? Believe me A hasn`t given you a second thought but you don`t want to believe that because you two were so good together even though it was a couple of years ago now.  The only reason he would call you would be a booty call and yes, you know that you still would because he can`t think much of his current girlfriend if he`s coming around to see you can he?!    A couple of weeks ago hubby was having yet another clear out when he stumbled upon some aftershave and came running in to show me.(Don`t be fooled, he knew exactly where this aftershave was but I played the game anyway) “Oh look what I`ve just found! “F” gave me this!” I looked at him. “F?” “Yeah oh my god forgot I still had this!” He hadn`t forgotten at all he`d done what we all do, hang on to stuff as a way of somehow keeping an ex close and we can reminisce how good it was. It was that good that we`re not with them. “Right! Bin it!” Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. “What?” “You heard! How old is that aftershave? 7/8 years? For god`s sake you can`t even use it! And do you know what I think? Even after all this time you still think F might knock on your door and want you back well he won`t! He`s with someone else, has he ever been in touch with you? NO! Get rid of it!” Hubby looked a bit shocked but he agreed. “Can I keep the photos?” “Of course, I would never ever say to anyone get rid of photos, because one day you will look at them and not feel sad”.I have to say that, I`ve still got mine, but as for the one that got away? He was never there………

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