So…have you had your tea?

I can’t even put the messages I’ve had (from the lonely and the desperate) down to it being a full moon this week so I really haven’t a clue why some weeks are unbelievable.
Apart from the usual ones asking to chat and then noticing in their profile that they smoke, I usually reply with a thanks but no thanks as I don’t date smokers, and without fail 99% will tell you that they gave up 6 months ago and that no-one else has mentioned it. But then I got a message from “P” You seem very nice lady, ok? If we go out for meal I tell you about my family tree it go back very long way. Hope to speak soon my love. But what’s your real name?” Looking at his profile it’s a white male, loads of photos and his profile is perfectly written so there’s something not right, especially with the question about my real name but I replied.”My name is on my profile and are you English?” He soon replied. “Yes I am! Why do you say that my love? We meet soon yes?” No P, definitely not. Then there was this guy.”I’m getting divorced after 23 years call me to find out more! ” and he’d given his mobile number and where to find him on Facebook.
The best one by far though was a message from “M” who asked if we could chat and looking at his profile he seemed a decent looking guy, working, normal, so later that evening I was on line when he messaged “Are you free to chat?” After replying yes that’s fine I got his opening line “So,have you had your tea?” WHAT?? “Have you had yours?” I knew I’d get a reply telling me all about what he’d had but then I asked was there a reason that he hadn’t had any children? Apparently he had been married in 1985, it lasted 5 months but the last 2 years of the relationship his wife made his life a misery by beating him every weekend and not letting him out of the house. This led to him having a nervous breakdown which is very sad I know but the penny had dropped.  “M,have you had a girlfriend, at all, since then?” “Well no because like I told you I had a nervous breakdown”. “And it’s lasted over 30 years has it?” It took a while for his next reply “I’m looking for a nice lady. I would treat you like a Queen.” But I wasn’t having it “Sorry M, it won’t be me I’m afraid.” . Thinking about it, for all I know he might have killed her and been in prison all that time, you just never know do you?
In the meantime hubby’s been on an awards night with his work so he had his spray tan done a couple of days earlier so he wouldn’t look too orange on the night. It was going to be quite a posh “do” with black tie and all the ladies in gorgeous dresses but they had all planned on going out later so it was going to be a long night. I heard him come crashing in at 4-30 but then all went quiet. The next day when I got in from work he was still in bed.”I’ve lost my suit jacket.Think I left it in a taxi” After a few phone calls we located it, a woman he works with had picked it up and took it home as he’d left it over the back of a chair.And guess what? He`s never ever drinking that much again. Until the next time……